Final Fantasy VII Final Fantasy Fiasco
by Ger
Summary: Following Final Fantasy farplane the Master launches an attack on Midgar but soon find this broken world is stronger than it appears and her allies must be sharper and more cruel than before.


FINAL FANTASY VII

Final Fantasy Fiasco

or

Final Fantasy Farplane II

Note: This is a sequel to a story known as Final Fantasy X: Final Fantasy Farplane. The same rules and disclaimers are attached to this one as well. We also suggest you read the first story so as to understand the background of what is going on here.

One Winged Angel

Vincent was cool. No doubt about it. He was, as we say in slang, off the heezy. That's not to mention that he was a vampire. Now I personally don't like vampires. I think they're creepy and if you read a story about them then I'll just say that you-

_Paul, nobody cares about your issues with vampires. They care about me!_

_Yeah…right. Dream on!_

_I'm an internet celebrity!_

_Yet you can't make SBI famous._

_Who would want to?_

_Jessica, do you remember our talk last installment about shutting up when I'm narrating the story._

_Oh come on Paul, don't be so uptight. Oh, and don't use slang._

So anyway, Vincent's cool, we know that point. Let's move on! Vincent flew in towards Nibelheim and landed right on the border of the town. He looked up and Mt. Nibel and nodded before he entered in the town. Then he started walking through the town. At one point the town had been filled with actors who were playing a part. That was only because Hojo paid them to do so after he rebuilt the town to screw up Cloud's messed up mind. But now Hojo was dead.

_Yeah, but-_

_Jessica, Vincent doesn't know that!_

_Oh sorry._

Not to mention that Nibelheim was now a kid's boarding town where the kids came and lived. But still the kids would bet each other to see who would enter the Shinra Mansion. No one had yet. But that's where Vincent was going.

_So wait, this whole town was rebuilt by Hojo after what?_

_Jessica, you haven't played VII have you._

_No I have not!_

_Then why are you my co-narrator? Now stop doing this!_

Vincent pushed open the derelict doors and entered the creepy and dusty house that has really creepy music playing during the game. I almost peed in my pants the first time I entered there. Vincent walked up the stairs and opened the secret door that led to the basement. He quickly descended the stairs. There was a room off to the side where his coffin was. Now that all this drama had ended, Vincent was going back to sleep. He was about to get into his coffin when he heard voices.

"No you fool, he's almost on us!" said a deep voice from the secret lab. Vincent stopped what he was doing and headed for the lab. When he entered he looked around and found that no one was there. He pushed aside some dusty books and entered the back room. There was an open book on the desk. Vincent picked it up and read aloud.

"'Black Materia split in two, one to cave the other sliced through.' Huh? What does that mean?" Vincent said to himself.

"Didn't your mother ever teach you not to look through other people's things?" said a voice from behind Vincent.

_Sephiroth!_

_No! Shut up!_

Vincent turned around to find Professor Hojo staring right at him.

"You?! But you were dead!" Vincent said, taking out his gun. He began to advance on Hojo. Hojo backed away smiling.

"True. I still am." Hojo said to him.

"What?!" Vincent said.

"I come courtesy of Spira's Farplane…oh, not to mention the master." Vincent fired a shot but it went right through Hojo. "Weak. Ah, do you remember this room. The room where we gave you a little mutation."

"What are you doing here Hojo?" Vincent asked, firing another round.

"What am I doing in Midgar or in this mansion?" Hojo asked, clearly enjoying that he was playing with Vincent's pathetic mind.

"Both."

"Well, I'm in Midgar to take it over. As for the mansion…look behind you." Vincent whipped him around but he was too late. Sephiroth had already clubbed him over the head. Sephiroth dragged him and put him in one of the test tubes. Then he sealed the test tube.

"That should keep him quiet for a while." Sephiroth said.

"Good one son! High five!" Sephiroth walked passed him. "Don't leave me hanging, yo."

"Shut up. We got what we came for, now let's leave already." So Sephiroth and Hojo used their powers to teleport out of the Shinra Mansion and to their new base.

_So Midgar's already in action?_

_Seems to be…_

_Hmmm…can I narrate the next chapter?_

_No._

_Why not?!_

_Because it's an explanatory chapter._

_Fine…_

Chapter 1

On the Edge

"And make sure that stuff gets to Mideel. They're still in need…even five years after the stupid Lifestream incident." Tifa was telling Cloud, who was putting his goggles on and getting ready to go. "Cloud, are you even listening to me?"

"Yeah, yeah, I hear you Tifa."

"Good. Well just make su-" Her words were drowned out as Cloud sped away from her on his motorcycle. "That's Cloud always running off…"

_You think he's with some other woman?_

_When he has Tifa?!!!!_

_True…she has enough bust to make it rough._

_Jessica!_

_Right, shutting up._

Tifa walked back into the bar and the guests looked up.

"Tifa!" They yelled as she walked in. Some of them raised their glasses and drank from them. Others were staring at her so much they lost all of their drink on the front of their clothing. I don't think Tifa noticed why…Tifa walked to the bar table and went back-

_Opaa!_

_What?_

_It sounded like they said 'opaa'._

_Well here're two words for you: shut up!_

Anyway, Tifa began cleaning some glasses with a towel and wiping off the table. Some people came up and started taking some more glasses and drinks. Then there were footsteps from behind Tifa and Denzel and Marlene came running out.

"Where's Cloud?" Denzel asked.

"He's out making a delivery, what are you two doing?" Tifa asked.

"Oh nothing…" Marlene said before giggling. The two of them quickly left. Tifa just sighed and shook her head.

"Heh heh, those two uh…hitting it on?" said some guy sitting at the counter.

_Dr. Cid!_

_No…that's…just some guy…_

_Oh…lame…_

"What? No, oh no, they're just dating now." Tifa answered to the guy.

"Yeah, they're hitting it on all right." Tifa, who had turned around dropped the dish she was holding. "Say, what's a hot girl like you working in a place like this?" the guy asked.

"Well…I think there's going to be more than just a broken plate." Tifa snapped out her gloves and put them on. Then she whipped around and hit the guy. He fell out of his chair griping in pain.

"They said this place was Seventh Heaven not heaven gives hell!" he yelled.

"Well then maybe you should check our sign." The guy scrambled out right as the phone rang. Tifa picked it up. "Hello, Strife Delivery Service…uh…yes. Sure." She hung up the phone and sighed. She did _not_ deliver cat food.

Cloud rode out of Edge and towards the city of Kalm. That was his first stop on Tifa's insane route. His hair flew in his eyes from all the spikiness of it. He loved Fenrir, his motorcycle. When he was on the motorcycle the whole world would just drift away. Ever since the battle two years ago against Kadaj and his gang Cloud had become much less melancholy.

_No, he's become hotter._

_Okay Jessica, I know you're, like, in love with Cloud but-_

_Cloudo!_

_Okay…officially creepy._

Cloud stopped at the edge of Edge and looked up. He saw Zack's sword sticking out there.

"Thanks buddy. You saved me. I guess…I owe you one." Cloud said. Then he heard the roar of a motorcycle behind him and he whipped out his swords from his motorcycle.

_How many does he have in that thing?_

_I don't know._

Then as he was about to botch them in the head, Reno and Rude stopped on their motorcycle.

"What do you want?" Cloud asked.

"What's wrong buddy?" Reno asked. "You look a little down today."

"Yeah, Spiky." Rude said.

"All right Rude! Sounding sharp!"

"What do you two Shinra slugs want?"

"Now is that any way to talk to your former co-workers?" Reno said to him.

"Do I have to remind you of the number of times you've tried to kill me?"

"We don't remember anything." Rude said.

"Yeah…we were just out for a little spin. We saw you and we just thought 'there's a good challenge'." Reno said.

"What? You want a race?" Cloud asked.

"If it's not too much trouble Cloud." Reno responded. Cloud scoffed before strapping his goggles back on.

"You're on!" Cloud answered. Reno and Rude smiled.

"See you at the finish line." Rude said and the two of them took off. Cloud smirked and then gunned his engine.

_Go Cloud go! Squeeze em like a-_

Cloud rounded a corner and quickly caught up with Reno and Rude who were quite surprised. Cloud smiled at them as he passed by and he gunned his engine again, shooting forward. Reno turned to Rude and told him to go faster. They were quickly approaching a big crest in the hill. Cloud took the hill into stride and was able to shoot over the top of the hill and land backwards before righting his position and shooting forward. Reno and Rude took the hill too fast. They shot over the hill and didn't turn the right way. They landed on the hillside while their motorcycle tumbled to the bottom.

"Oh man, Shinra's gonna kill us." Rude said. Reno got up, dusting off his clothes and stepping on Rude's glasses.

"Yeah. These suits were specifically tailored and cost thousands of gil."

"Not to mention my favorite sunglasses."

"You get a new pair every week."

"No I don't." Rude started crying. "You know how Shinra took money out of our paychecks, well; he just took the sunglasses out of mine."

"That's harsh!"

"I know!"

"Why do we even work for Shinra anyway? It's not like we get dental."

"I know. I think it's because of the chicks."

"Oh yeah…I forgot about that…well, if we get fired then it's your fault! You just had to race didn't you?"

"What?" Reno sighed.

"Well, let's go before Cloud whups us another lap." Cloud shot over them on his motorcycle. "Too late I guess." So they ran up to their motorcycle and drove off. Meanwhile Cloud drove off for Kalm.

_Can I narrate?_

_Why should I let you? Give me one good reason._

_I can whistle._

_No way._

_Yes way._

_Jessica: Note sarcasm._

_Pleeeeaaaaase! I'll do anything!_

_Will you date Ross?_

_Ewww…no!_

_Then you won't do __**anything**__._

_Well, can I narrate it?_

_Yeah, but you know the rules._

Chapter 2

Barret and Cid at the North Cave

Finally! A chapter to narrate all my own! So anyway, that was our explanatory chapter and now it's actually time to get into the real story. Hem, hem. Barret and Cid (no not Dr. Cid) were in the Highwind, heading for the North Cave. They were currently sitting in the cabin with big fancy business suits. See, after Shinra Co. was destroyed they could no longer use Mako energy. So they obviously had to find a new source. And by golly, Cid and Barret had found it: oil.

"So pardner, you think we're gonna find some lucky oil here?" Cid asked Barret.

"We better damn well find that oil!" Barret said, drinking something.

"You know, we were the only ones to find this damn oil and here they are treating us like simpletons. They should be bowing down on their hands and feet!" Cid said. Barret nodded.

"Nobody's been to the North Cave since Shinra and his goons went and got those JENOVA cells." Barret said. "So nobody knows if there's oil down there."

"Well I guess it'll just be one small step for man, one small step for mankind, and-"

"One big leap in our bank accounts!" They both burst out laughing as hard as they could. Then the door burst open.

_They've seen Sephiroth!_

_No Paul, that's not what your notes say…_

_I was just imitating you._

_Imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery._

_Who would want to flatter you?_

"Sir! We are currently approaching the North Cave. Would you like us to land sir?"

"Whaddya think ya damn imbecile?!" Cid yelled. The pilot ran out and closed the door whilst Cid and Barret resumed their maniacal laughing. "Man, I just hope this trip doesn't take too long. I wanna get home to Shera soon."

_If only they knew…_

"Man, you know these trips. We go in, get out and go home. That's how the oil company works. We'll be fine. Nothing's gonna happen, nothing ever does." Barret walked out of the room and walked back in with his oil attire on. He and Cid walked out to the bridge. The ship descended and a ladder and all of the necessary oil delving tools came out of the ship. They set them up outside and began to drill holes everywhere and anywhere.

"They'll be here all evening." Cid said.

"I'll go and make sure the damn fools do it right." Barret said.

_Wow…Barret really does swear quite a lot._

_You should try it some time Paul._

_I don't think so._

"Yeah, I'll help ya out too. They're nothing without us."

"Damn straight." They walked out onto the deck and climbed down the ladder. They walked over to where all of their men were working.

"You worthless slugs! We stay here any longer and the competition will come and get that oil from us."

"What competition?!" asked one worker.

"You want me to cut your wages?" Barret yelled.

"But you don't pay us at all!" the worker yelled. Barret and Cid froze. Barret pulled a control out of his pocket and pressed the red button. Instantly some arms flew from the ship and grabbed the worker dragging him off to who knows where.

"Get back to work!" Cid yelled. They all nodded and continued to work. The two of them began walking along observing their workers. "Gotta love one of 'em every time." Barret laughed and nodded. They looked around. The North Cave really was quite desolate and disgusting. Barret walked away from the work site to examine a new area for possible oil spots. He took a step forward and all of a sudden the ground fell out from beneath him and he landed in a small yet large crater.

_What does that mean?_

_I don't know; it's in the notes you gave me._

_Will you stop saying that all of this screwed up stuff is in my notes!_

_I'm just saying…_

_Keep narrating!_

"Barret, you okay?" Cid yelled from up above.

"Yeah, I'm all right!"

"I'll get some ladders. Just hang tight!" Cid ran off while Barret looked around. It really smelled in here…like some green things in a box or…I don't know how to describe it. Barret walked around a little bit before he tripped over something. He turned around and grabbed what he tripped over. It was a box that had the word "EXPERIMENT" on them.

"What the hell is this?" Barret opened the box and looked inside and immediately shut it. He opened it again and shut it. Then again…and again and again and again and again and again-

_Jessica!_

Then he finally looked up.

"JENOVA's friggin' head!" He looked down where he saw a glow coming from. He bent down and picked up half a piece of Materia. He looked it over and couldn't believe his eyes. It was black. Then there was a flash of light and Barret fell down, dropping the items at a stranger's feet. The stranger bent down and picked them up.

"Why thank you for finding that for me." Dr. Cid said. "Now I have some matters to attend to." He looked at his prizes. "Only half? Sephiroth will be most disappointed. Ah, well. That's his problem."

"Will you hurry it up Cid?!" Vayne yelled from up above.

"Cid?" Barret yelled.

"I prefer Dr. Cid if you don't mind. I didn't work at an evil laboratory for nothing now did I?"

"Sephiroth?"

"Oh yes, he's back. Ta-ta now." And he vanished. Barret sat there on the floor, astonished. Cid ran up to the hole and put a ladder down. Barret climbed up it.

"What's wrong?" Cid asked.

"Sephiroth's back."

Chapter 3

Seventh Heaven Shaken

"Oh, why thank you Cloud…" said an old woman at Kalm's gate. "I needed this very much. I would have walked over to Seventh Heaven but after tripping over that cat of mine I just can't make the trip anymore."

"It's all right. Tifa doesn't mind making the extra trip for one of her favorite customers." Cloud said to the woman.

"Oh you're too sweet. Please thank Tifa for me." And the old woman walked away, carrying a package of stuff labeled "Tifa's Famous Stuff". She sniffed as she went along.

_That has drugs in it doesn't it Paul?_

_I thought beer but naturally __**your**__ mind would jump to drugs._

_What are you saying?_

_You know what I'm saying…_

Cloud got back on his motorcycle and looked in the direction of the Chocobo Ranch. He put on his goggles and scowled.

"Yeah…well I mind doing these stupid delivery errands. I mean Tifa's great and all but…oh who cares." Then he drove off toward the Chocobo Ranch and his next delivery. Up above on the building above Kalm Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz were standing, staring down at Cloud.

"Hey Kadaj, isn't that Big Brother?" Yazoo asked.

"Yeah." Kadaj answered.

"And does Sephiroth want us taking care of him?" Yazoo asked.

_What like change his pants?_

_No…the other taking care of._

_Oh…why are they calling him "Big Brother"?_

_Either he's part of a government or they're related._

_Okay, I've asked my questions. Go on._

_Thank you._

"Didn't he say…to take care of Tifa?" Loz asked.

"Last I remember." Kadaj said before chuckling. "Let's just hope you don't get beat by a little girl like last time."

"Shut up!" Loz yelled before he started crying.

_Cry Loz cry!_

"Hey you dang kids! Get off of my roof!" some old guy yelled from outside the house. Kadaj and his gang flipped off and raced out of town.

"Marlene, make sure that you don't go near those guys over there. They've been looking at you kind of strange."

"Okay Tifa!" Marlene walked off to go and give some people the food they ordered. Denzel and Marlene had returned after an hour to come and help Tifa around the bar.

_What were they doing?_

_It's not important to the story._

_But I wanna know!  
Yeah, well…the story doesn't so…I'm not going to say anything! Ha!_

Denzel was performing a few tricks in front of the guys at the bar. He had improved his theatrical acting since he saw Cloud beat up lots of people. Now they all just kind of reveled in his skills. Truth be told, they actually wanted to be like Cloud after his performances. They were just too dumb to listen to the disclaimer that Denzel put in. So that's what they were all doing around Seventh Heaven at this time of day. Meanwhile, outside, Kadaj and his gang were looking at them through the windows.

"Tifa looks pretty hot." Loz said.

"Ugh! Keep your head in the game Loz!" Kadaj said. "We have a mission to hold them all hostage and bring them to the master when the time comes. Do you understand that?"

"Yeah…"

"Don't cry Loz." Yazoo said.

"I am not crying!" And the two entered into a sissy fight. Kadaj whipped out his sword.

"Will you two cut it out? We have a job to do here!"

"But he insulted me!"

"And who doesn't?" Kadaj asked and Loz was about to hit him when his phone rang with the victory fanfare tone.

"That's mine." He picked it up. "Hello?"

"What are you three imbeciles waiting for?" Sephiroth's voice said over the phone. "I was supposed to get your message over half an hour ago. Remnant filth!"

"Our apologies Sephiroth!" Kadaj said. "We're moving right now!"

"You'd best be!" The phone clicked off.

"All right, on the count of three. One…two…"

"Three! Let's go!" Loz yelled and they sped into the bar.

"Seventh Heaven, what can we-" Tifa began saying but Loz caught her and held her up.

"Hello pretty lady." Loz said before throwing her across the room and knocking her out.

"You kids! Get over here!" Yazoo yelled. Denzel and Marlene started to run but Yazoo landed right in front of them. "Over by the lady." They backed up by Tifa.

"All right everybody. We're holding all of you hostage here at Seventh Heaven until such time that we are told to release you." All of them just sat there speechless before going back to their drinking. They didn't really care, as long as they got their drinks…oh, and not to mention Tifa. But unbeknownst to Cloud, Seventh Heaven was under the dead one's control.

_You make it sound like a political alliance._

_I do, don't I? Well, it kind of is an alliance._

_True…_

Chapter 4

The Portal to another World

"Hoist me up already! There might be some Materia in there that were missing." Yuffie said to Red XIII.

"I'm hoisting as far as I can, but you're not exactly making it easy. Aren't you a female ninja anyway?" Red XIII answered.

"You're so sexist!" Yuffie yelled.

"Oh shut your gob lassie we don't have time for this." Cait Sith said (obviously under control of Reeve).

"Oh shut up Reeve." She kicked the plush doll from Red XIII's back. "Fine, none of you want to help out, then I'll search myself and it will just be another five percent from the profits that I take from you guys."

"Oh you've already taken everything. You know that I'm barely living from day to day. If it wasn't for Barret and Cid, I probably wouldn't even be here."

"Like I care." Yuffie flipped up and crawled into the small hole that they were searching in. Yuffie searched around and found a piece of Materia lying around. She went to go and grab it but it started rolling along. Eventually it rolled onto the ground and towards the Forgotten City. "Damn!" She leapt down.

"What's happened now?" Red XIII asked with a hint of fatigue in his voice.

"That damn jerky piece of Materia just rolled out of my hands and towards the Forgotten City. You know how much that sucks." Yuffie yelled.

"Well don't keep jabbering on lassie. Let's go get that Materia!" Cait Sith yelled out. Yuffie walked past and pushed the cat again.

"Sexist!" Yuffie said and she kept on walking.

_Or skipping._

_Or skipping…know-it-all!_

_What can I say? I'm special!_

_Yeah, Special Ed._

_Hey, I'm not the one flunking chemistry here._

_For your information I have a 60% in that class._

_Failing._

_Whatever. Can I get on with the story?_

_If you want to._

"Why do we have to use these idiots?" Sephiroth asked the master in their secret lair in the Forgotten City.

"They're integral to our plan. You should know that by now. Every piece that's in this puzzle is laid out for a reason. That's why I'm in charge of this affair and not you."

"I would attack you but for the reason that unfortunately you're stronger than me." Sephiroth said.

_No! It cannot be!_

_What is it Jessica?_

_How can someone be stronger than Sephiroth?_

_Hello…"master" does that word mean anything to you._

_Oh my gosh!_

_You understand now?_

_Is that a wrinkle?!!_

_You're looking at your make-up at a time like this? Oy-vay!_

"Patience my friend. All will be told in time. Midgar is disconnected besides. Unlike Spira, all of the little heroes who stopped you last time cannot unite so easily."

"True, for them it will take some time and effort." The master laughed.

"Time they do not have. Our plan is already in operation. We have the cells and half of the black Materia. All that's left now is to find the rest and put the plan into full operation."

"True…I still think they're imbeciles."

"Do not think so of Zargabaath. He has intelligence yet unforeseen by you. Otherwise he would not be the only living person on my team for this takeover."

"If you say so. He has yet to prove himself in my eyes."

"He will." The master and Sephiroth sat back in their chairs. Outside, Yuffie was chasing the stray Materia.

"Get back here you stupid Materia!" Red XIII and Cait Sith were right behind her.

"Wait up lassie!" Cait Sith yelled but then Yuffie stopped and put her hand up.

"Shh…listen!" They peered their heads around a door.

"How long can it take Dr. Cid and Vayne to get back?" Sephiroth said.

"Hmph. They're almost as bad as Seymour was." the master said.

"But they're actually doing something."

"Yes…and something important at that." The master looked at Sephiroth. "And if it were not for the fact that the whole planet should not know of your arrival you would be doing something too."

"Excuse me. Can I say something?" Tromell said, finally breaking free of his silencing spell.

"Do Guados never shut up?" the master asked. Then they tensed up. The master shifted their eyes around the room before snapping their fingers. The door to the room they were in fell down and Yuffie and the others with it.

"I-i-it's Sephiroth!" Sephiroth stood up and whipped out his sword.

"Relax my friend." the master said and Sephiroth looked at them. "These three aren't going anywhere."

"Oh yeah! We're gonna tell the whole world about Sephiroth being back!" Yuffie yelled.

"I think that was a bad move." Red XIII said. The master snapped their fingers yet again and they were bound with the same kind of rope that Brother, Buddy and all those other people were bound with I the last installment.

_You still haven't told me what kind of rope it is…_

"They're staying here with you. Dr. Cid and the others should be joining you shortly. I have some business to attend to off-world. I'll come back in due time. You know what to plan for."

"Of course master." Sephiroth bowed low.

"Please let me-" Tromell began.

"Oh, and shut the Guado up." The master waved their hand and a portal appeared. The master stepped into and it appeared that they were walking down a corridor before the portal closed up and just the wall was shown. Yuffie gasped when it happened. That was another world. Lucky for them, Reeve had seen the whole thing. Midgar was getting ready to roll.

Chapter 5

The Gummi Ship?!

_Why do I feel like it's been weeks since we've read this?_

_Uhh…it has been…my printer had some issues._

_Oh…am I narrating this?_

_No._

_Why not?_

_No reason…_

The Highwind was flying over Midgar. Barret and Cid were leaning out of the window, surveying the land. They had left the rest of the members of their company at the oil excavation site at the North Cave. This was an emergency of all proportions. Sephiroth was back and there was no telling what would come next.

"So you say that guy's name was Cid?" Cid asked Barret.

"Yeah, but he wanted me to call him 'Dr. Cid'." Barret told Cid.

"Damn…" Cid said.

"JENOVA's head…damn this is gettin' bad Cid. Who know our oil digging would end up here?"

_I did!_

_Jessica, that's because you are creating the story._

_I still knew. I have ESP!_

_You also have ADHD so shut up!_

"We should have read the signs in the sky." Cid said.

"What signs?! There were no damn signs!"

"Just seemed like the right thing to say at the time…"

"Man, shut the hell up Cid. I don't want your-"

_Swear Paul, swear!_

_Up your shaft!_

_Uh! How dare you!_

_I dare._

"-your effing mind spitting out random crap at this time!"

"Hey! You would be nowhere if it weren't for the Highwind! Your oil business would be down the tubes…figuratively speaking." Barret aimed his arm at Cid.

"Shut the hell up! I don't have time for this-" All of a sudden the ship shook violently and Barret and Cid fell down onto their butts.

_Hey Paul…who's piloting the ship?_

_That's not important…at the present time…_

_Okay…_

"Who the hell is there?" Cid yelled out. All of a sudden the top of the Highwind opened up and Bergan dropped in. "That's inhuman." Bergan cracked a dirty smile before grabbing Cid by the throat.

"Where's the Materia?!" Bergan yelled.

"I don't-" Cid began.

"Liar!" He shoved Cid against the wall.

"Put him down craphead!" Barret yelled, whipping out his gun/arm and aiming it at Bergan's head.

"Strong words…but I'll still want that Materia." With that he threw Cid to the floor and jumped out of the ship.

"The hell was that all about?" Cid gasped out.

"I don't know. The hell I should know!"

"Whatever man, we need to find Cloud." Cid said. Then Barret spotted something.

"Cloud! Right below us!" The two of them stopped the ship and jumped out, right in front of Cloud. Cloud pulled the brakes on his motorcycle and skidded to a stop.

"What are you two doing?" Cloud said while taking off his goggles. Cid and Barret had been waving their arms up and down while jumping around and speaking gibberish.

"Sephiroth's back man!" Cid said. Cloud quickly drew one of his swords.

"Where is he?!" Cloud yelled. "Where's Sephiroth?!"  
"Damn man, he's not here! We just said that he's alive again man." Barret said, grabbing hold of Cloud and settling him down.

"Why is he back?" Cloud asked, sheathing his sword.

"If we knew that we wouldn't be here trying to tell you this."

"Yeah! We wouldn't be asking for your help." Cid said.

"Damn! Cid, I am the one that does all the talking here! You'll just screw up!"

"Fine, let's search for Sephiroth together."

"Where do you think he is?" Barret asked.

"Probably in th-" Cloud began but suddenly there was a flash of blue light as a ship crashed into the Midgar Swamp. All of them could have sworn they heard a "yah-hoo-hoo-hoo-weeeeeee!" before the ship crashed. All of them drew their weapons, prepared to face whatever came out of the crater. First they saw a boy about the age of fifteen come up. He had spiky brown hair and was carrying something that looked like an oversized house key. Then a duck came up followed by a dog-like thing.

"Donald! Any closer and we could have been deep fried." said the boy with spiky brown hair.

"I'm sorry!" the duck said.

"Aw, come on fellas, let's all get along." said the dog-like thing.

"It's just a kid." Cloud said, sheathing his sword. The kid with brown hair looked up and saw Cloud.

"Cloud! Cid!" he yelled. "Is it great to see you again?!" Cloud and Cid just looked at each other.

"Hey Cid, why aren't you at Hollow Bastion?" the duck asked.

"What the hell is Hollow Bastion?!" Cid blurted out.

"Who the hell are you?" Cloud asked.

"It's us Cloud! Sora, Donald, and Goofy!" the boy called Sora answered.

"Sorry, I don't know a Sora."

"But we fought together…in Hollow Bastion against the Heartless, don't you remember?"

"Man, I don't know what this kid is talking about." Cid said to Barret and Cloud. Sora tried to say something again but Donald and Goofy pulled him down.

"What?"  
"Something's wrong here." Donald said.

"Uhh…maybe the reason they don't know us is because these are different Clouds and Cids than the ones we know." Goofy said to Sora.

"Maybe you're right…hey, maybe they know about Organization XIII!" Sora said.

"Good idea!" Donald answered. The three of them turned back to Cloud, Cid, and Barret.

"Sorry about that, we had you confused with someone else." Sora said.

"Whatever." Cloud answered.

"Let's go and find Sephiroth already!" Barret yelled.

"We'll help!" Sora said. The three of them started laughing. "What's so funny?!"

"You're a kid! You can't pick up a damn toothpick!"

"I've fought a bunch of monsters." The three continued on laughing. Little did they know that a shadow was creeping up behind them.

"Cloud!" Barret yelled when he saw it but it was already gone; Sora had destroyed it.

"He wasn't lying." Cloud said. "Fine you can come with us."

"All right!" Sora said.

"To the Forgotten City." Cloud got on his motorcycle and the rest boarded the Highwind and they were off to the Forgotten City.

_Cool…_

_Jessica, you've been so quiet I am going to reward you with narrating the next chapter._

_Cool!_

Chapter 6

Lost Materia

On the darkly lit streets of Bhujerba a dark figure walked down the skyway. They stopped at the entrance to a large mine that was situated on the edge of the city. They raised their hand and a paling that had been protecting the mine doors fell. They walked in until they reached a place called Site 14.

"You're late…" said a Spanish-like voice.

_I would say more middle-eastern._

_Paul, you're ruining the mystique of the chapter!_

_You mean, like you do every time?_

_Shut up already!_

"The master comes and goes as they please." said the master.

"I'm sure…" said the other voice.

"You should not forget that." the master said firmly.

"So noted. You have it then?" said the other voice. The master whipped their hand out and some brightly colored orbs flew into the stranger's hand.

_Aren't they both strangers?_

"Materia. Use it and you can become unstoppable…but use it with caution." the master said.

"When will you return?" said the voice as the master formed a portal.

"With time…I have to hit a few intersections along the way." and the master disappeared into the darkness.

"Where is he?!" Ghis said, sitting in his chair, waiting impatiently. "You reconvened us here before the master even arrived."

"Would you rather be early and be bored for a few minutes-" Dr. Cid began.

"More like hours…" Ghis mumbled and the rest of them murmured in agreement.

"Or be late and be tortured beyond even your most grotesque imaginations?" Dr. Cid finished.

"I'll take the early." Most of the villains yelled out. Sephiroth just sighed and sunk down in his seat.

"I still don't like waiting for hours!" Bergan yelled. Dr. Cid just shrugged.

"That's your problem." Dr. Cid told him.

"Well, when will he be back? I don't want to keep my hair specialist waiting." Vayne said and all of the members around the table groaned.

"Shut up with your hair specialist!" Kadaj yelled his eyes seeming to pop out of their sockets.

"This is just getting ridiculous!!" Loz and Yazoo yelled at the same time.

"Fools…" Zargabaath muttered to himself.

"At least I'm not the only one to see it." Sephiroth said.

"The master has no need for imbeciles who care for nothing but themselves."

"Villains. What can we say?" Sephiroth said. Zargabaath nodded his head in agreement. "But where is the master? They're late."

"They're probably on their way." Zargabaath answered and true to his guess, a portal opened up behind him and the master stepped through, robe and all.

_We would assume they had their robe Jessica, otherwise they'd be…_

_Naked!!_

_Okay, go back to narrating the chapter._

"Gentlemen…please sit." the master said, waving their hand and forcing all of the members to sit down. They had been fighting ever since Vayne made a rebuttal about his thick and glorious black locks. The master sat in their seat. "Welcome to the fifth meeting of the League of Villains. Are all in attendance?"

"Where's Hojo?" Rasler said. All of the members at the table jumped out of their seats shocked that Rasler was speaking. Sephiroth began to bang his head on the table, driven with insanity.

"He's on an errand."

"What kind of errand?" Kadaj asked.

"Shut up remnant filth!!" Sephiroth yelled.

"I am not just a mere remnant!" Kadaj yelled. "Are these mere copies? Look at both of them, hanging!"

_Jessica, that just sounds wrong…_

"My hair is shorter than yours and it is a slightly different shade of silver, as are the bangs." Kadaj said, fingering his hair.

"Can we get to business please?" Zargabaath asked and they all sat down again.

"Dr. Cid, the goods please?" the master said and Dr. Cid got up. He placed the black box that said EXPERIMENT on it as well as the half of black orb that had been found at the North Cave. "JENOVA cells and half of the black Materia…believed to have been lost forever, only to be found at an oil excavation site in the North Cave."

"Mother!" Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz yelled out.

"It's real?" Sephiroth asked.

"Yes, it would be most unfortunate if the doctor went through all that effort only to find a fake." Bergan said.

"You don't trust my judgment?" the master said, a glare peering out from under the hood.

"Not at all master!" Ghis said.

"What of the Black Materia?" Dr. Cid asked. "I only received half of it…where's the other half?" The master nodded.

"Very perceptive. Well, that was the difficult part. We had no clue until our dear Sephiroth and Professor Hojo unearthed a new text." The master waved their hand and a large and dusty volume of something appeared. Vayne read the title.

"'The Idiot's Guide to Taking over Midgar'." he said. All of them sat there entranced as Vayne turned the page. "'Chapter 1: Shoving Vincent in a Test Tube, Chapter 2: Taking Over Seventh Heaven, Chapter 3: Getting the Black Materia and JENOVA Cells'."

"According to the text, the Black Materia was scattered into four pieces. However the book only describes the place where it could be hidden."

"This ancient magic is so complicated." Bergan said.

"Actually, the book was published in 2006." Vayne stated. The master then ripped the book away from them.

"The four pieces…One is in a hot spring where life flows to and fro, another is in a place where a mountain, a statue, and a tower meet in one, yet another is where a bird rest on top a tower, and the last piece is in a hot desert in stone structure."

"Extremely explanatory." Dr. Cid said sarcastically.

"Nevertheless, we should be able to find it. Sephiroth, Dr. Cid, Vayne and I will search for the rest of the Materia. The rest of you will stay and watch over the hostages…and make sure the Guado doesn't talk."

"But I don't-" Tromell began before being shut up.

"What will we do with the Black Materia once we put it back together?" Ghis asked.

"Very good ques-" All of a sudden the door burst open.

"They're here! They're on their way!" Hojo yelled.

"Are you joking?!" the master said.

"No!" And to prove his point Cloud came bursting in the room.

"Sephiroth!" Cloud yelled and he leapt at Sephiroth. Sephiroth whipped out his sword and blocked the blow.

"Take the hostages elsewhere!" the master threw Zargabaath a piece of paper. "Our new base." They waved their hand and a portal appeared. Everyone but Vayne, Dr. Cid, Sephiroth, and the master went in and disappeared. Then Barret, Cid, Sora, Donald, and Goofy came bursting in firing on all pistons.

"What do we do master?" Dr. Cid asked.

"Find the Black Materia…and split up!" Dr. Cid nodded and in a flash of blue light he vanished. Vayne threw some hair spray cans to the ground and vanished but not before the master threw him his old hair spray can. "Don't lose it!" Vayne was gone.

"I'll take the first then." Sephiroth said.

"Yes, that sounds good, and quickly."

_Paul, I need to pause for a moment._

_Right when we're at the end of a chapter?!!_

_Sorry, but won't Sora think that the master is part of Organization XIII?_

_I don't know…probably but that just adds to the mystery._

_Don't need to be all snippy! Hmph!_

Sephiroth disappeared and Cloud stumbled into a wall.

"So long." The master flew up in the air and disappeared into a black portal.

"Organization XIII!" Sora yelled.

"We need to find them!" Cloud said.

"Where we gonna start?" Barret asked.

"Junon." And they went off.

Chapter 7

Sephiroth's Act

"Every year this damn Lifestream just starts gushing out all over the place. It's like a festival parade." said a guy who was trying to use a mop to clean up splotches of Lifestream on his deck. "It's bad for business!"

"I get what you mean. I have the best prices on the product I sell but just because there's a little bit of slime on my deck-" He slammed his foot on a small piece of slime that was gushing up. "-the customers just don't come."

_Paul, where are we and what relevance does this have to the story?_

_And you're asking me that?!! See, this is another reason why I don't want you being my co-narrator. I could do it just fine on my own._

_No you couldn't._

_Yes I could._

_No._

_Yes._

_No._

_Yes._

_No. _

_Yes…infinity! Hah!_

_Why don't you want me being narrator?_

_You haven't even played the game!!!_

_So?_

"Things have certainly gone downhill in Mideel since the accident. And now that the Temple of Ancients is buried beneath the Lifestream I suppose our only choices are to stay here and die or move to Midgar or something."

"Yeah…well I heard things are still pretty bad out in Midgar. Some stupid oil company is ruining profits for all the people out there who just want to do a good day of hard work."

"But rumor is there was a big stir up today at the Forgotten City."

"News sure does travel fast."

"Can it you two!" said a doctor across the way, rocking back and forth on his half broken porch. "The rumor is that it was a bunch of villains and they have their sights set on Midgar next. So shut it before we're the next targets." The two civilians looked at him before turning back.

"If you ask me, the doctor's been a little unhinged since the accident."

"Let's turn away and act like we never saw him." They didn't get the chance to turn away. There was a flash and they both fell to the ground. One of the people fell into the Lifestream while the other sat there, cowering in fear. Standing in front of him was ex-SOLDIER Sephiroth.

"Se-Se-" Sephiroth withdrew his sword and stabbed the man.

"It's Sephiroth."

_Yay!!!!_

_Help me…please!!!_

Sephiroth walked up to the doctor and knelt down.

"Where's the Black Materia?" Sephiroth asked the man. He sat there shaking. "Answer me, or I'll kill every citizen in this town." The doctor was still shaking. Sephiroth smiled. All of a sudden a flame issued from his hand and all of the houses were lit on fire.

"Please no! Don't hurt anyone."

"Then answer me!" He stabbed a nearby pedestrian. "Where is the Black Materia?"

"I know nothing of an-"

"Liar!" Sephiroth had stabbed the doctor with his blade.

"C-C-Cosmo Canyon."

"Good." Sephiroth turned away as the man died. All the remaining citizens saw was Sephiroth standing there silhouetted against the flames much like in Nibelheim. Then he disappeared.

The people of Cosmo Canyon were gathered around their campfire. Today was the anniversary of the day that Bugenhagen had died. All who had considered Bugenhagen their friend and mentor were gathered there. But there was yet another person or...thing-

_Paul, it is very rude to call people things!_

_Like I care. Do you know what Red XIII is?_

_No…but you could be nicer._

_Get a life._

Where do I pick up…ah! The people of Cosmo Canyon were all wondering where Red XIII was. He of all people would have been there.

"Today we pay our deepest respects to our lost Elder Bugenhagen. May his soul shine on in the Lifestream. Please take a moment of silence." They all bowed their heads. But then they heard a noise of clapping. They looked up to see who was intruding on their moment of silence. Standing there was-

_Sephiroth!_

_Good job, Jessica! Does the little doggie want a treat?_

_Don't insult me._

_Don't interrupt me._

Standing there was Sephiroth. All of the people were muttering, concerned that he was alive and standing here.

"Nice little memorial." Sephiroth said. "I've come for the Black Materia."

"You cannot have it!' said one of the people at the front.

"Then it _is_ here." He drew his sword. All of the people of Cosmo Canyon readied their weapons. "Futile insurrection." He then flew at them and stabbed a bunch of people as is his way. Then he reached the new presiding elder.

"You shall not take it."

"Over my living, breathing body." The elder stabbed Sephiroth. Sephiroth pulled it out. "I'm not living…remember?"

"N-no!" Sephiroth stabbed him. He then flew to the top of the astronomy tower. There he found some people standing around a chest. Sephiroth just smiled and stabbed them out of his way. He then opened the chest. Inside was an eighth of the Black Materia.

"Meteor…" Then he vanished as many of the residents of Cosmo Canyon watched in fear.

Chapter 8

Dr. Cid's Act

_So, we're switching off for these chapters…right?_

_I should've never brought you into this project, you know that?_

_But you did!_

_And I regret every moment of it…fine, go ahead._

"Hey, you got that sushi cooked yet?" said a fat guy sitting at a table in Fort Condor.

"Hold on grandpa, I'm almost done!" said a chef in the kitchen. "If only you stopped bothering me I would have had it out of the freezer by now…" The guy reached into the freezer and grabbed the package of sushi.

_Okay Jessica, what does this have to do with the actual plot._

_Well, isn't this Fort Condor the place where another piece of the Black Materia is?_

_Yes…but it has nothing to do sushi!!_

_My narration, my choices._

_Your funeral._

_What?_

_Oh, nothing._

Quickly he dumped the sushi onto the plate and walked out.

"Here you are grandpa, fresh sushi."

"Finally." The grandpa ate as fast as light. "Good dinner. Now just go check the old condor's nest."

"Yes, grandpa." The young man left the room and headed up the rope ladder. He passed by his friend, the watchman.

"Hey, what's going on?"

"Gotta check the condor's nest…again."

"That sucks. Well, at least it's just the same old stuff right?"

"Guess so…"

_Ha!_

_Ha what?_

_I was laughing because…are you really this stupid?_

_I'm busy._

The guy walked out the door to the condor's nest. The little baby condor had left a few months ago to…somewhere. Still, his grandfather made him check the nest every night in case the condor had dropped something off. It was boring, monotonous, and absolutely horrible. He climbed into the condor's nest and looked around.

"Just as I suspected…nothing!" He threw up his arms in exasperation and began to turn away. Then a shiny glint caught his eye. "What's this?" He bent down and picked it up. It was a small black piece of something or other. What was it doing there? Well, whatever it was he figured he should show his grandfather. He opened the door and was about to step foot inside when a huge explosion rocked the fort. The force hit him in the back and he fell over. The piece rolled out of his hands to the watcher by the door.

"What's happening?!!" the watcher yelled.

"Give that…to…grandfather…" Then the young man died. The watcher picked up the piece of Black Materia. He nodded to his dead friend before running down the stairs.

"Sir! Look at this!" He threw the Black Materia to the old man. The old man caught it and looked at it.

"The Black Materia!!! Then this is why we are being attacked." he said. All of a sudden the entire fortress burst in flames. Dr. Cid walked down the smoldering steps.

"I'll take that please." he said to them.

"We are not giving you this!" the old man yelled. Dr. Cid just smiled and chuckled.

"As you wish." He whipped out a blue stone. "Deifacted Nethicite. The true power of Ivalice in the palm of my hand!!" He whipped his Nethicite around and a blue ray shot out and destroyed the refrigerator.

"No!! My sushi!" the old man yelled.

"Sir, how can you be worried about sushi at a time like this?" the man yelled.

"If you hand it over, I will spare what is left of your fortress." Dr. Cid said calmly.

"If we refuse."

"Hey I have no problems with destroying this place. If a hero title is what you seek then I suggest you stand your ground. But just to let you know…a hero title is no good dead."

"Well, then, I'm sorry to disappoint."

"Your choice."

_No Dr. Cid, don't do it! You might be a creepy evil gay guy but you wouldn't…_

_Calm down Paul!_

_I'm just sick of the destruction._

"We'll do whatever you want!!" The old man screamed. "Just don't hurt my sushi."

"Deal. You hand over the Black Materia and I leave your sushi intact." The old man wobbled over and handed Dr. Cid the Black Materia piece. "Yes!! Triumph!! Now we shall rule this world. Oh, I'm sorry I forgot." He whipped his Nethicite out again and all of the sushi vanished.

"What?! We had a deal!!!" the old man yelled.

"Villain. Enjoy your grave." And using his Nethicite he vanished, leaving the two to die among the flames of Fort Condor.

_All right, let's move past this violence and into some Vayne comedy._

Chapter 9

Vayne's Act

"Where is Yuffie?!" Godo yelled outside the Wutai Pagoda. "I thought that she said she'd be here!"

"Why are you so interested in her coming Godo?" asked one of Godo's aides.

"What?! No reason, no reason. I just thought that Yuffie would want to take place in the martial arts contest. Why do you care?" Godo shoved his aide away.

_He's hiding something…_

_See, Jessica, if you had played the game you would know that Godo is Yuffie's father and he wants her to bring back Cloud's Materia_

_Not Cloudo!_

_Stop that._

Godo walked up to the top step of the pagoda and looked down on all the contestants. He signaled to a man in the back who then rang a gong. All of the people covered their ears and got on their knees to escape the noise. Godo nodded, soaking in what he thought was praise. Only one man who was hidden in the shadows was not cowering from the noise.

_Sephiroth!_

_Close but no cigar!_

_Why do you always insult my stupidity?_

_Why do you always insult my looks?_

_Have you __**looked**__ in a mirror lately?_

_Hey, you don't even need a mirror. You just have to look at glass and see that it's cracked._

_You know what?!_

_What?!_

_Nothing…go on._

"Blue tiger, we have infiltrated Wutai. Hair spray bottle is ready to go. I believe are enemies are keeping it here. If I win this martial arts contest I could very well have it in my hands by noon." Vayne looked at a clock in the square. "Okay…maybe three." Vayne put back the hair spray bottle that he had been talking into. He stepped out into the square just as everyone else was getting up.

"People from around the globe!" Godo yelled. "Welcome to the Wutai Martial Arts Contest or WAM. All of you have joined here today to battle people like yourselves in intense battles. The victor will have the opportunity to face me in martial arts battle. Let the battles begin!"

Many hours later, and many bitter losses later-

_Vayne was still primping his hair._

_You wish._

_It seems like the thing he would do though._

_I will agree with that._

_Score! One point to Jessica, zero to Paul!_

_What? You're on a point basis now?!_

Anyway, many hours later, and many bitter losses later…it came down to the final battle on the second to last floor of the Wutai pagoda. Vayne was matched up against this sumo ninja who looks very familiar.

"I am strong like the mountain!" yelled the sumo ninja.

"I'm sure you are fatso." Vane said, barely moving a muscle.

"I am your doom!"

"Prove it!" The sumo ninja struck the floor but missed Vayne and instead caught the floor. Vayne flipped over the sumo ninja. "I'm over here dumbo." The sumo ninja turned around and missed Vayne. Vayne just sighed.

_Wow, this is amazing. I never knew that Vayne was capable of this stuff._

"What am I to do with those who oppose me…but show them death?!" He flipped over and his feet landed on the sumo ninja's head. The sumo ninja flayed his arms wildly before grabbing hold of one strand of Vayne's hair. Vayne landed and in a few seconds he noticed that the one strand of hair was missing. "No one and I mean no one, screws up my beautiful locks!" He smashed the sumo ninja to pieces.

"The winner! Vayne Solidor!" Godo yelled. "And now the moment you've all been waiting for. Vayne shall battle me for the ultimate prize-"

"Hold on a moment." Vayne said and he quickly did his hair.

_Figures…_

"Are you alright Master Solidor?"

"That was a very traumatic experience but I think I've gotten through it."

"Very well. Vayne shall battle me-"

"Hold on a moment!"

"What now?"

"I believe that if I am battling you for the ultimate prize then I should choose what the prize is." Godo gave a nervous chuckle.

"And what would you choose the prize to be?"

"If I defeat you in a martial arts match I wish for your eighth of the Black Materia."

"The-the Black Materia?!" The room had grown silent. "Very well. They shall retrieve it. Let us battle." Godo got into his stance.

_No need to see my true power until I need it._ Vayne thought to himself. He took his stance.

"I hope you're ready to have protection old man. You will need much of it in the hell to follow!" Godo smiled before leaping at Vayne. Vayne blocked the blow. The two then entered into a climactic struggle. When one seemed about to fall, when the battle seemed about finished it still continued. Legend says the battle continued for seven days and seven nights but those of us who have eyewitness accounts know that it was only five minutes. Eventually Godo had backed Vayne into the wall.

"It is time for this contest to end." Godo yelled and he leapt at Vayne again.

"I think not old man. I am the true Dynast-King!" He then whipped out his hair spray canisters and spun them around before spraying them straight into Godo's face. Godo screamed and dropped to the floor. Vayne threw the canisters to the floor and they exploded in smoke. Meanwhile, he ran around the room and picked up some swords. He held them at Godo's throat.

"You cheated."

"We never set any rules…therefore there is no cheating. I won fair and square. The Materia?" Vayne asked, holding his hand out.

"No."

"You refuse?"

"I cannot surrender."

"Then your people will watch as you die."

_Nooooooo!_

_Jessica, calm yourself! Get a grip!_

_It's all right! I'm all right._

"Very well, take the Black Materia and go." Godo's aide came up and gave the Black Materia piece to Vayne.

"You've been a great help. So long Wutai!" He threw down another hair spray bottle and disappeared. "And you owe me a million Gil for that hair spray!!"

Chapter 10

The Master's Act

_Paul…I haven't seen enough of Cloud in this story._

_That's your problem for being so obsessed with him._

_But why did we leave him out so much?!!!_

_Because this story is mainly about the villains. Just narrate._

_Fine! Thanks to you I'm going to have to see a psychotherapist._

_I think you already needed one._

Dio, the man, the big shot, the guy who ran the Gold Saucer. He was the one you went to if you needed something. He held everything. The key to the Temple of Ancients, the Arena, the plays and now…he held a quarter of the Black Materia.

_An eighth._

_Quarter, eighth. They're the same thing to me._

You folks all know where this is leading by now…and if you don't…I'm just not going to say anything. This is not to mention that Dio knew people, lots of people. People like the master. Dio was sitting in his big office chair looking at trophies of himself on the wall. Then a black portal opened in the room. Out stepped the master. Dio screamed like a girl and ducked under his desk.

"It's me you idiot!" the master snapped, closing the portal behind them.

"Ah…master, I did not know it was you." Dio said, getting up and smiling sheepishly.

"I have a request of you." the master said.

"Oh…if I know you, it's a good one." The master glared at him. "Right, I'll shut up now." The master sat in a chair while Dio sat back down.

"I need the Black Materia." the master said. I like that, short simple and to the point.

_Right Malfoy?_

_What?_

_Sorry, Gary Splotter reference. Continue._

"Ooh…master, I don't know if I can give that to you."

"And why not."

"Well, the problem of it being able to destroy the planet…made it a _little_ iffy."

"I am the master! Surely you can hand it to me."

"Well I suppose I can make arrangements if…"

_I have to leave!_

_Huh?_

_I have a dentist's appointment in an hour. I have to get going. You keep narrating for a little bit. Be back soon as I can._

_Okay…wait! I get to narrate! Cool!!!_

"Well, I can make arrangements if…you win the eight round battle arena we offer here."

"Deal." The master and Dio shook on it. Dio brought the master to the arena. The first group came up. The master snapped their fingers and the monsters disappeared.

"Handicap them!" Dio yelled. The master smiled.

"Fools…" Dio sent the next six waves at the master, adding a handicap every time. But it didn't stop them. The master easily destroyed all of those waves.

"Put all of the handicaps on them, now!" Dio yelled and then they started weaving handicaps around the master. But the master waved their hands and the handicaps seemed to disappear.

"They broke sir!" said the assistant.

"Stop them!" The master destroyed the eighth wave before turning to Dio.

"My prize?"

"I, uh, checked with management and it seems I can't give you it. The deal is off." The master grabbed Dio by the throat and hung him, suspended in air.

"You wish to go back on our deal?"

"There's nothing I can do!"

"Liar!" The master squeezed harder. "The master does not suffer fools. I would've thought you'd have learned." They threw Dio across the room. They then waved their hand and the Black Materia flew into the master's hand. "Midgar, prepare yourselves for the hell to come!" They then disappeared into a black portal to assemble the Black Materia once more.

Chapter 11

Spira's Story

_Hmmm…still not here yet…so I'll start without him. Thanks for ditching me Paul…_

I'm sure that many of our devotees to this story are wondering how Spira has been holding up through this whole entire mess. Well, fortunately for you all we get to see first hand, starting with our friends Tidus, Yuna, and Wakka.

"You know what I'm saying though, ya?" Wakka said to Tidus while eating some munchies in Besaid.

"Wakka, nobody understands what you're saying…ever." Tidus said. Yuna came into the room and put some clothes down. Those skimpy clothes that I don't understand how she could wear it and not get-I'm not going to say it. Last time I tried that I had hallucinations.

"We need to get going." Yuna said. Tidus nodded and got up.

"Fine, I'll leave you two alone, ya." Wakka said before leaving the hut. Tidus and Yuna then undressed before getting dressed. Ha! There was a point to that statement. As it were, Tidus and Yuna were going to yet another wedding: Paine and Baralai's. Hmmm…seems familiar.

_You take an awful lot of liberties when I leave you to narrate by yourself._

_Paul! You're back!_

_I've been back for an hour. I was right outside the door listening to you talk to yourself._

_Well…I don't know what you're talking about._

_Right, Jessica, just skip to the important part of the chapter._

_Make me!_

_I don't have to._

Tidus and Yuna then walked over to the beach where Rikku picked them up in the Celsius and they flew off to Bevelle.

"Unbelievable…Spira is more ignorant than I believed." Reddas said in the former FREE headquarters.

"With Seymour gone and the Farplane restored to normal the people believe they have nothing to fear…" Auron said. Some of the members of FREE were watching a hologram on the table.

"Where are Drace and Ronsenberg?" Reddas asked.

"They're on reconnaissance with Vossler right now." Jecht said. "Biran and Yenke are making sure the Farplane is still in decent shape." Jecht took a drink of booze.

"They're going to find something wrong…" Zack said. "While defeating Seymour did restore things mostly to normal, the Farplane is still hurting."

"Not to mention that worlds are connected. What happens to one will affect the other." Aeris said.

"Auron, you should have taken that seat on the Farplanian senate when they offered it to you." Jecht said.

"I can do nothing for the people of Spira or the Farplane by sitting in a committee." Auron said.

"It would indeed do nothing for the people." Braska said. All of a sudden there was a sound. Reddas looked closer at the hologram.

"What is it?" Auron asked.

"A disturbance…at the boundary." Reddas answered.

"Braska, hold the fort." Auron said and he, Jecht, Reddas, Aeris, and Zack left for the boundary. When they got there they discerned nothing until they saw a small figure in the distance. As they came closer they saw that the man was wearing armor and looked like a Judge Magister.

"Zargabaath…" Reddas said.

"Zecht. How pleasurable to see you again." Zargabaath said calmly.

"I don't think I could say the same." Reddas stated.

"I send regards from the master."

"Hmph. The one who tried to destroy Spira?" Auron asked.

"Destroy? They were trying to save Spira. The Awakening is coming…do you not hear its call?"

"What's this Awakening?" Jecht asked.

"You'll see…by the way, if you're wondering about the state of the worlds you'll be pleased to know that a boy with a key just arrived in Midgar."

"Sora." Auron said.

"How do you know that?" Jecht asked.

"I was once brought to a different world and fought with the boy."

"Precisely." Zargabaath said calmly. "Oh, it would also please you to know that your enemies are currently attempting to rip the very foundations of Midgar apart."

"How?!" Zack yelled.

"A little something called the Black Materia."

"No!" Aeris yelled.

"And you would allow this destruction to pass by?!" Reddas yelled.

"That…coming from the man who destroyed Nabudis with a single flick of the Midlight Shard?"

"It was not my fault!"

"Nor will it be when Midgar is destroyed. So long!!" And Zargabaath disappeared.

"What do we do?" Jecht asked.

"Aeris, Zack, go to Midgar and meet with your friends. We cannot pass the boundary to the real world…but another world is another story." Auron said.

"We'll pick up what information we can." Zack said. Then he and Aeris dispersed into pyreflies and disappeared.

"If Midgar falls, then our efforts here will have been wasted…"

Cloud, Sora, Donald, Barret, Cid, and Goofy were standing outside Midgar. They had just gotten back from the Forgotten City and were planning to go to Junon but first they had to fill the Highwind up with gas.

"How much more does your tanker take. I got other customers you know." said the gas clerk. Barret walked up to him and shoved a bunch of money in his hand.

"Then we're buying this damn place. Get lost." Barret said and the guy ran off.

"We're good!" Cid said and he detached the hose.

"Let's get going." Sora said. Cloud swung his legs over his motorcycle.

"You're just going to run off?" Aeris asked. Cloud choked.

"You're back." Cloud said.

"Hey buddy." Zack said.

"Both of you…"

"We're here to help." Aeris said.

"How?" Sora asked.

"There's a big meeting with Shinra at Junon, that's where we're headed." So they headed for Junon.

_Finally…_

_What's going on?_

_You're narrating and you still don't understand what's going on?_

_Well, there are so many components._

_Not if you condense it down._

_Paul…stop trying to show off._

_Can we please just move on._

Chapter 12

Shinra Strikes a Bargain

Zargabaath was back in their new base: the old rocket tower in Rocket Town. Everyone was sitting around or standing. The room was extremely cramped due to the fact that they had to fit all of the hostages in there.

"They're not back yet Zargabaath." Bergan said.

"I didn't expect them to be." Zargabaath replied. Zargabaath looked around the room at his fellow cohorts, ashamed to be working in such company. Then there were blasts of light and all four of the main villains of this story appeared.

_But the master's trying to save Midgar._

_Ugh! That was to throw the good guys off balance!_

"Well my friends, we have the Black Materia at last." the master said, setting their piece next to the others. "Vayne…the item I gave you?"

"It's still safe master." Vayne replied.

"It had best be." The master turned back to the others.

"Where do we go next master?" Ghis asked.

"You don't know?" the master asked and all of the villains looked around, whistling to themselves. "Junon. The head of the old Shinra Corporation will be there for a meeting. Junon is still his after all."

"We're breaking the meeting up?" Sephiroth asked.

"_We_ won't be doing anything. You all are to stop anyone working for Shinra from getting out of Junon. I'll do the talking. We have a business deal to make."

"Then can we eliminate Shinra?" Sephiroth asked. The master whipped around and struck Sephiroth to the ground.

_Whoa…not possible!_

"Stop thinking of your own personal vendetta. We have bigger fish to fry!" Sephiroth got up, ashamed and embarrassed at what just happened. The master waved their hand and a huge portal opened up. Then all of the villains and hostages entered it, on their way to Junon.

"The Shinra Corporation is destroyed. We have no funds left to support it anymore." Heidegger said in the Shinra meeting room in Junon. Apparently he was still alive.

_Wait, are you saying he died?_

_It was presumed Heidegger did but he's here now I guess._

_Unless he's from the Farplane._

_I don't think so…_

"Weapons Department, failed. Energy Department, failed. We haven't long to survive." Scarlet said.

"Then we must find a buyer." Rufus Shinra said to his cohorts. "It seems the only way to keep the Shinra Corporation slightly afloat is by selling what we already own. If it weren't for that oil company we'd have had it made!"

"They should have kept their noses out of it!" Heidegger said.

"The only question now is…who will we sell it to?" Shinra asked.

"The bigger question may be…who will you give it to?" All of a sudden a huge portal appeared in the room and all of the villains and hostages descended down. The villains leapt into action and sealed off every entrance to Junon.

"Sephiroth?" Shinra said. "Well, we can see what this rabble is." The master walked up to him and put their finger by Shinra's throat.

"I could kill you…just a flick of the finger and it'd all be over. But I have other matters that concern you."

"What do you want from us?" Heidegger yelled.

"What do I want? What do I want? I want Midgar…but seeing as you can't give me that, I'll settle for Junon."

"No money, no Junon." Shinra said.

"Oh…such a businessman. Perhaps I should offer a little more leverage." The master pressed harder on Shinra's throat.

"If…if you pay us we'll give you Junon and…and ensure that your operation here goes as planned." Shinra said.

"Smart man." The master released him. "You give us the key to Junon and everything in it; that includes the cannon."

_Cannon?_

_There's a cannon on Junon that they used to fight WEAPON and later attached it to Midgar and used it to remove the barrier around the North Cave._

_Oh…okay…_

_Hmm…they must have rebuilt it._

"We keep the cannon."

"The cannon is ours or there's no deal. Give the cannon to us or let the Shinra Corporation die a painful death."

"Fine, you get the cannon and my best men."

"I want the Turks."

"Where?"

"Kalm…"

"Deal. We just need to sign some forms and see some money."

"The money is in the Forgotten City. You'll have to go there yourself to get it."

"Fine." Shinra took some papers out of his suitcase. "Shall we seal it in ink?"

"Hojo…make sure no one gets in." Hojo turned to leave the room when all of a sudden Cloud and the others busted through.

"Rufus Shinra…never thought I'd see you aligning yourself with this scum." Cloud said.

"Must they always intrude at the worst time?" The master snapped their fingers and the bad guys drew their swords. The good guys countered that measure and began to fight. "Shall we?" They began to fill the forms. The fighting was fierce and it certainly sounded like Donald swore more than once. It seemed like a complete stalemate, neither side was winning.

"Just sign here and the transaction will be complete." Shinra said.

"No!" Sora yelled and he ran at them. But the master had already finished signing the line.

"Sorry boy, Junon is mine." they said and they waved their hand. All of the good guys then flew out the door and out of Junon. The master then shoved Rufus Shinra out of his chair and sat down. Dr. Cid looked around.

"It appears the hostages escaped during our little skirmish." he said.

"No matter…Junon is ours, as is Midgar." And the villains looked out over a new world. The world of _their_ future.

Chapter 13

The JENOVA Conference

_I came up with this chapter name Paul._

_Yes, I know…but it won't do any good if you don't narrate it._

_So I get to narrate?!_

_Yeah…Just hurry up, I want to take my lunch break._

The master sat in their new chair in the Junon conference room surveying everything around them. Thus far, everything was going according to plan.

"Fools…do you see the damage you've done now?" the master said to themselves. The villains turned away from the window and toward the conference table. They seated themselves around it.

"Now what do we do?" Sephiroth asked.

"What should we do?! Midgar is good as ours." the master said.

"You jest. You would not stop so easily."

"Well noticed."

"Hmmm…Venat says that we should do something about the Black Materia." Dr. Cid said.

"Here we go on your little Venat string again. It doesn't exist okay!! Get that through your over scientific head!" Sephiroth yelled.

"Stop your disbelief. The Ocurria once ruled Ivalice and Venat was one of them."

"But we are not in Ivalice! We are in Midgar!"

"I listen to Venat! And what do you listen to?"

"Nothing! I answer to no one!" Sephiroth yelled and the master flashed their eyes.

"I agree with the good doctor." the master said. "What do we do with the Black Materia?"

"Isn't it in the legends that it was to set off Meteor?" Kadaj asked.

"That happened. It was then that the Materia split." Sephiroth said.

"Then why don't we set it off again." Yazoo asked.

"Too obvious." Ghis said. "We need it secretly."

"Secretly?! Ha! What does secrecy matter?" Bergan yelled.

"We still need a way to harness its power." Vayne said.

"What about your hair spray Lord Solidor?"

"How dare you suggest a thing?!"

"If I might make a suggestion. There is a reason that we ordered the cannon to be kept at Junon and under our control." Zargabaath said. The master inclined their head a little bit.

"For a fashion statement?" Loz asked.

"No."

"To…keep it away from that Shinra guy?" Yazoo asked.

"No."

_Geez are they stupid?_

_It's so obvious why they kept it. I mean, if we can realize it they should!_

_I know! Especially you._

_Stop insulting me!_

_Sorry, didn't know you took so much offense to it._

_Thank you._

"To ward off enemy attacks?" Kadaj asked.

"No you imbeciles! To use it! We put the Black Materia together and use it to power Junon's cannon and then we tear Midgar apart!"

"Brilliant idea." Sephiroth said. "It's quite commendable."

"Where would we aim it?" Dr. Cid asked.

"Where else? Kalm." the master stated.

"Why Kalm?" Loz asked.

"The Turks are there as are some of our other enemies…"

"Who would that be?" Bergan asked.

"Organization XIII." All of the members around the table gasped. Organization XIII…they had tried to take their hearts once before. It would have ruined everything. They therefore vowed to take revenge.

_Now that's an interesting twist._

_Indeed it is._

"Then what are we waiting for?" Dr. Cid said. "Let us put it back together now." Dr. Cid grabbed all of the pieces. "Using Deifacted Nethicite we connect all the pieces of Black Materia." The pieces hung there, suspended in mid air before connecting together. There was a black light that shot forth and illuminated the area. Then the Black Materia fell with a small clatter onto the table. The master put their hand forth and grabbed the Black Materia.

"Hojo, load this into the Junon cannon. Do not fire!" the master said. Hojo took the Black Materia and disappeared.

"What next?" Rasler asked. Everyone jumped out of their seats. The master sighed.

"Sit down!" They all sat back in their seats. The master then threw a black box onto the table. The box containing the JENOVA cells. The group looked at the box, then at the master, then at the box, then at the master, then at the box, then at the master, then at the box, then at the master, then at the box-

_Jessica, stop that!_

-then at the master.

"What do we do with it?" Vayne asked.

"That's the question." The master said, tapping the table with their fingers.

"Mother…" Kadaj said.

"We can almost touch her…" Loz said and he started crying.

"Don't cry Loz." Yazoo said.

_Jessica, don't you dare._

_But…_

_Don't!_

_Cry Loz cry!_

_Dang you Jessica! You're fired!_

"Master, might I suggest we bring JENOVA back." Sephiroth said.

"Why?" the master asked.

"It was the people of Midgar who imprisoned mother in the North Cave. She wants revenge on them. I believe that were she to be revived she would do everything in her power to destroy the people of Midgar."

"You suggest that we resurrect JENOVA?"

"Indeed."

_That's not good._

_No way…_

"I suppose it would help were JENOVA on our side. Very well, but it will take some time to get the machine ready."

"We'll do whatever it takes!" Kadaj yelled.

"Very well. I'll leave it to you. I have an errand to attend to. Make sure that cannon fires on Kalm at my command."

"We shall wait for your order!" Dr. Cid said.

"Don't fail me." they said. Then they opened a dark portal and disappeared.

"Load the cannon and get ready to take Midgar." Sephiroth said. Everything was going exactly according to plan.

Chapter 14

The Interference of Organization XIII

"Hey! Let us in!" Sora yelled, pounding on the doors to Junon.

"Sora, is there a lock anywhere?" Goofy asked. Sora looked around.

"Nothing…" Sora said. "That makes the Keyblade useless."

"We still have to find some way to get in." Cloud said.

"Well, at least all the damn hostages got out." Barret said.

_Why didn't like Tifa and them stay with Cloud?_

_I don't know…let me see…_

_You forgot the notes on it didn't you?_

_No I didn't forget anything! Ah, here!_

"And the rest of the group's on their way to Kalm to see what Shinra's Turks are up to." Cid said.

"That's true…" Barret said.

"So what do we do Cloud?" Sora asked.

"I'm thinking…" Cloud started pacing back and forth. They watched him for a few minutes while he kept walking round.

"Damn Cloud! Make up your damn mind!" Barret yelled.

"I can't think of anything." Cloud said.

"Man, what good are you as a leader!" Cid yelled.  
"Well, maybe we should go to that Kalm place too." Sora said.

"Yeah!" Donald yelled out. "Organization XIII might be there too!"

"What makes you think that Donald?" Goofy asked.

"That guy in there, they looked like they were from Organization XIII." Sora agreed.

"I don't know who Organization XIII is but if they're helping Sephiroth then that can't be good." Cloud put his sword away.

"If we go to Kalm we might be able to get some information from the Turks as well." Barret said.

"Then we go to Kalm." Cloud got on his motorcycle and the others boarded the Highwind and set off for Kalm.

_They're so stupid…_

_Why?_

_Well, I mean it's obvious that it's a trap. The master has to be setting them up._

_You ever notice how most good guys are stupid?_

_I know, it's completely pointless to have a stupid character that ends up saving the world and-Oh! Sorry…_

_Back to narrating._

They stopped just a little outside of Kalm. Tifa, Yuffie, Red XIII, and Cait Sith were waiting outside the city.

"What's wrong?" Cloud asked. The others followed behind him and then Sora caught sight of Tifa.

"Who are they?" Tifa asked.

"I-I'm Sora." Sora stammered out. Donald then whispered something in his ear and Sora looked away, embarrassed.

"My names Donald and I-"

_Want to do you!_

_Jessica!  
What?! We needed a little humor._

_But that kind of humor, at the present time?_

_It worked Paul!_

_Just be quiet._

"The stupid Turks won't let us in the city!" Yuffie complained. Cloud walked forward and he saw Reno, Rode, Tseng, and Elena all standing there guarding the city.

"I'll handle this." Cloud said.

What a day huh?!" Reno said.

"Let us in the city."

"Can't do that." Rude said.

"Yeah, got special orders from Shinra." Reno said.

"No one can pass in here." Tseng said all business. "You'll have to get through us to get in."

"You're so dreamy Tseng." Elena said, clinging to him. Tseng just sighed.

"Not on the job Elena. Later…"

"Sorry." She got off. They all aimed their weapons at Cloud.

"We're not letting you through." Reno said.

"All right." Cloud said and he took out two of his swords. The Turks leapt into action.

_Cloud wins hands down, right?_

_No…he has difficulty._

_Nooooooooooo!!!!!!_

Reno slapped Cloud across the face with his electro stick and Cloud fell backwards. Then Rude punched him and Cloud keeled over. Tseng was about to lay the finishing touches on him when a giant oversized house key blocked him.

"Get up Cloud!" Sora asked. Cloud got up. "I'll help out. Light!" Then Donald and Goofy disappeared from the area and it seemed they got absorbed into Sora. When Sora came out he was in yellow clothing. "Let's go!" The two of them rushed at the Turks and Sora began swinging his Keyblades everywhere. Before long the Turks were on the ground, moaning in pain. Sora went back to his old clothing and Donald and Goofy reappeared.

"I told you." Cloud said. He turned to Sora. "You fight well."

"Thanks. Now let's go stop Organization XIII!" They ran into town.

"Sorry guys!" Barret yelled.

"Hope you get better." Cid said.

"Jerks." Yuffie said and she kicked Reno in the head. They quickly ran through the streets until Cloud saw that lady with the drinks.

_Drugs!_

_Drinks!_

_Drugs!_

_It is totally drinks!_

_I'm not going to argue with you Paul._

_Good._

_Drugs!_

_Agh!_

"Oh, Cloud, how are you? Tifa, your brew this time is very good." the lady said.

"We have a question." Sora quickly asked. "Have you seen some guys with black cloaks and hoods?"

"Oh, yes they're in the house just over there." the old woman pointed and they quickly ran over. Sora put his head to the door and instantly heard some disturbing noises.

_I've always said…the XIII Orgy!_

_Jessica…_

"That's it!" Sora whipped out his Keyblade and quickly unlocked the door. Inside were all of the members of Organization XIII that were still alive. Also in the room was the master.

"You cannot be serious dude!" Xigbar yelled.

"Would I lie?" the master said.

"Hmm…this means war." Xemnas said.

"Then we accelerate our plans." Saix said. "We must prepare Kingdom Hearts."

"I don't think so!!" Sora yelled.

"You can't be serious?" Xigbar asked again.

"The boy with the key." Luxord said.

"We don't have time." Xemnas said. "We must go master."

"Hurry." The Organization XIII members warped out.

"I don't have the time to deal with you." the master said.

"What are you doing here?" Cloud asked.

"Playing both sides. I would run if I were you. The cannon is about to fire."

"What the hell do you mean?" Barret asked.

"The League of Villains and Organization XIII are at war. The Junon cannon is aimed at Kalm." And the master disappeared. They all quickly ran outside and Yuffie went to the top of the house.

"What do you see Yuffie?" Cloud asked.

"They were right. That big old cannon is aimed straight at Kalm." And for the first and only time in this story am I going to have Barret truly swear.

"Shit!" Barret screamed. They were screwed.

Chapter 15

No Longer Kalm

"Tifa, Yuffie, Red XIII, Reeve, get over to Junon and stop that cannon from firing." Cloud yelled.

"And who made you leader you spiky headed jerk?" Yuffie said. "I'm not going anywhere without my Materia."

"Fine, just take it and go!" Cloud said. Yuffie smiled and they all ran off.

"What are we going to do?" Sora asked.

"We have to evacuate Kalm." Cloud said.

_Paul, are they going to die?_

_Can you ever be patient enough to wait for the end of the story?_

_Well it's a point I wonder on. It makes me bite my nails._

_Why do you interrupt your own narration?_

_Because I can!_

_You're hopeless._

"All right man! Let's get our butts movin already!!" Barret yelled. And they all proceeded into a huge rush.

"The sky is falling you fools! Run, run as if the devil itself and itself is upon us!" Cid was yelling as he ran through the streets. "Get out of here!" They looked at him as he ran by.

"Hey! Aren't you the head of that big oil company." asked some random guy.

"Yeah…why?"

"Can we have a picture?"

"Uh…sure." So Cid took a picture with the guy. "Now get the hell out of here!" They still just stared at him so he took out his spear and started whapping them on the butts. They beat feet out of Kalm as fast as they could. Over on the other side of town Barret was firing his arm-gun everywhere.

"Man what the hell are you people's problems?!!" Barret was yelling. "This ain't no drill! This ain't no picnic! Kalm's in danger man! Get the hell out of here!" A little kid was tugging on Barret's sleeve. "What do you want?"

"I lost my mom." the little kid said.

"Oh hell no." So Barret picked up the kid and ran around screaming till he found the kid's mother. Then they left. Probably the one's with the easiest job of things was Cloud. He just had to tell people and they immediately left. Meanwhile, Sora was getting the door slammed in his face.

_That's because no one would listen to a fifteen year old kid, a duck, and a dog about anything._

_Just like how nobody wants to listen to you now._

_Keep narrating._

It was lucky for Sora that Cloud came and helped him out. Soon, Kalm was evacuated except for those six…I won't say people because not all of them were people.

"Let's go." Cloud said.

"Too late." Sora said, and he was right. The Junon cannon was firing.

While Cloud was busy evacuating the town, the others piloted the Highwind to Junon. They landed and immediately ran out. Some Shinra soldiers were standing at the entrance to Junon and they immediately took care of them. Then they took the elevator up. Finally they reached a door that said "Cannon Room".

_Huh…that's a little redundant and obvious._

_Yeah…you'd think they'd get more creative names that don't tell people what it is._

_What would you suggest?_

_The Jessica Room That Doesn't Conceal Any Dangerous Weapon of Any Kind._

_Yeah…not feeling it._

_Shut up._

Unfortunately for them, the door was locked. So they proceeded to break down the door. On the other side, the bad guys were preparing to fire the cannon on Kalm.

"We don't have enough power." Hojo said, exasperatedly.

"How is that possible?" Dr. Cid asked. "We did the calibration correctly. The Black Materia provided some support power. I don't see why we don't have enough."

"At this rate, we won't have enough power to revive JENOVA after all." Sephiroth said.

"No!" Kadaj yelled. "We cannot do that to mother!"

"Shut up remnant." Sephiroth said, pacing the room.

_Paul._

_What now?_

_Where are Aeris and Zack?_

_Here. _

_Huh?_

"I will not allow it!" Kadaj said, and he ran at the power source and threw himself in. His body immediately dissolved and disappeared.

"Our power just jumped exponentially!" Hojo yelled. Loz and Yazoo looked at each other and threw themselves in. "We have enough to fire!"

"Too bad you won't get to Hojo." Zack said. Sephiroth whipped out his sword.

"How did you get in here?" Sephiroth asked.

"We've been in here." Aeris said. "We're dead too."

"Cloud was so busy he didn't notice we were gone." Zack said.

"And now we have some people to stop you." Aeris opened the door and the rest of the good guys came in.

"Prepare to die!" Yuffie said. Dr. Cid chuckled. "That doesn't sound good…"

"Shut up lassie." Cait Sith said.

"The funny thing is...we can't die…because we're already dead." And Dr. Cid waved his hand. Hojo pressed the button that said fire and the cannon fired a powerful blast.

Over in Kalm Cloud, Barret, Cid, Sora and the others just got out of town when the blast hit Kalm. Instantly the town was obliterated. The world then shook as the blast emanated from the town. After a minute or two the dust finally settled.

"Is that it?" Barret asked.

"I don't think so." Cloud said, and he was right. The ground began to split, opening a chasm to below and to the Lifestream. Everybody may have survived but the blast from the cannon had begun to deteriorate the planet. Meteor had returned.

Chapter 16

The Lifestream

Back at Junon all of the people (for lack of a better word) were reeling. Many of them clutched onto doors or computers for support. The shock had surprised them; they didn't think the blast would be this bad. Then a hand grabbed Tifa's shoulder. Aeris had grabbed her.

"Tifa, you must get back to Kalm. Cloud will need your help." Aeris said to her.

"Where are you going?" Tifa asked.

"Zack and I are going to the center of the planet and we're going to try and get the planet to fight back against Meteor." Tifa nodded at Aeris' statement. Aeris looked to Zack and the two of them dispersed into the planet. The group got up and looked around. Hojo and the others had disappeared.

"Where did they go?!" Yuffie yelled. "I was all ready to fight them."

"They went to Kalm." Tifa said. "Let's go!" So they ran out and jumped aboard the Highwind to take them to Kalm.

Cloud and the others looked around. The damage was astonishing, almost as bad as what had happened to Midgar…only this was going to get worse.

_What happened to Midgar?_

_Were you not paying attention at the beginning of the story?!_

_Why would I pay attention when you're narrating?_

_Because it's important!_

_Right…well, I'll steal the files and look them over._

_Do what you want._

"We need to get to Junon." Cloud said.

"Why?!" Barret yelled. "If you want to face those bad guys, you can do it on your own."

"Should we just eliminate you now then?" said a voice.

_Sephiroth?_

_No._

_Hojo?_

_No._

_Rasler?_

_Yeah, the guy barely talks at all._

_Who could it be then?_

_Dr. Cid!_

_Ohhh!!_

Sora looked around, frantic to find the source of the voice. The pyreflies formed around them and the bad guys took form, surrounding them in a circle.

"Surrender now and we will spare your lives." The master said, stepping out from the circle.

"What about the planet?" Cloud asked.

"Oh, Cloud actually cares now." Sephiroth said.

"Shut up." The bad guys chuckled.

"No way!" Sora yelled out. The master snapped their eyes to him. "After coming this far there's no way we're going to give up now!"

"Well said…bold words child. Perhaps I shall make you eat them." They summoned a dark nimbus of energy in their hands. "Let me teach you a lesson." They threw the nimbus of energy at them. Sora summoned his Keyblade and blocked the blow.

"Next time you try it, it will be aimed at you." Sora said. The master gave a bow.

"Very well then. Advance." All of the bad guys smiled and grabbed their weapons as they ran at the surrounded group. Cloud whipped out another sword and began to duel with Bergan. Barret began to fire shots at both Rasler and Dr. Cid who were aiming shots of Nethicite at him. Cid himself was fighting Vayne.

"Want spaghetti twirl hair?" Cid yelled, sticking his spear in Vayne's hair and twirling it.

"Stop messing with my beautiful locks!" Vayne yelled and whined. Cid just chuckled and continued with the hopeless Vayne. Meanwhile, Donald was dueling in magic with Ghis and Hojo, though Hojo was undoubtedly the less adept. Meanwhile Goofy was very busy keeping Zargabaath and Sephiroth at bay. But it was Sora who had the toughest plate on his hands. He was dueling the master.

"You're quite powerful boy." the master said. "Darkness seems to have no effect on you."

"There's always light within the darkness and that's a light that will never go out. It's strong enough to defeat Ansem, it's strong enough to defeat you." Sora took a thrust at the master.

"I'll give you that…but no matter what you do you cannot stop the scheme I have planned."

"Think again." said a voice from behind the master. The master whipped around and Aeris punched them in the mouth. The master backed away.

"What do you mean girl?" the master said.

"She means that you're going to lose." said another voice and the master was next smacked across the face by Zack. The master backed away even more before they were hit across the back by the Keyblade. This was impossible.

"The Lifestream is saving the planet now." At that moment the Lifestream-

_The Lifestream is pretty._

_My-What the heck Jessica?!  
What?_

_Why are you interrupting now?!  
I don't know…_

_SHUT UP!!!_

_Geez…_

The Lifestream gushed forth from the crack made by the Junon cannon. The crack began to seal itself back up. The master looked and smiled. Then they began to laugh.

"You fools! The Lifestream cannot help the planet anymore. I have won!" And true to the statement, the crack stopped sealing up and instead many more cracks began to split off from the major crack. "Midgar is mine!"

_Can it get any worse?_

_I don't think so. No._

Chapter 17

Holy's True Answer

"What are we going to do?" Donald yelled. The bad guys had formed into a line with the master at the head.

"The planet's destroying itself man. What the hell are we gonna do?" Barret yelled.

"It's hopeless!" Donald yelled.

"It's not over yet Donald!" Sora said.

"But what if he's right Sora?" Goofy said.

"Then there's nothing we can do." Cid said. Then the master spoke.

"I will give you one last chance. Surrender. I told you that it would end this way. If you choose to not believe me…then your lives are forfeit." Sora stepped forward but Cloud beat him to the punch.

"No. I saved this planet once before and I'm not going to have it fall apart because you want to take it over." Cloud said.

"And what can you do about it?" the master asked.

"I challenge Sephiroth. One on one." Sephiroth smiled. He was going to take on Cloud and defeat him finally.

_Paul, I have a dilemma._

_What are you interrupting your narration for now?_

_Well, I like Sephiroth but I like Cloud._

_That's an understatement._

_Well, I don't know who I want to win._

_Then just go with the story._

"I accept." Sephiroth drew his sword and they faced each other. Then they leapt at each other and began to duel. Their swords clashed and whirled and very soon, the fight was brought to the air.

"Get him Cloud!" Sora yelled. From below they were all yelling encouragement for Cloud. On the other side they were all yelling encouragement to Sephiroth.

"Squeeze him Sephiroth!' Bergan was yelling. "Squeeze him like a-"

"Master? Should we help him?" Dr. Cid asked. The master smiled.

"This is his fight. We cannot interfere." the master said.

"But if he loses…"

"I have confidence he will not lose to Cloud." the master said matter-of-factly.

"Do we really know that?" Vayne asked.

"You question me?"

"No…I just wonder whether we should prepare to leave."

"We should always be prepared to leave."

"Very well master." Dr. Cid said. So the fight continued on. On the other side they were still watching the fight with avid participation.

"I make a bet that Cloud will win without a scratch." Cid bet Barret.

"Well, I bet he'll come away with two scratches." Barret said. Sora turned to the both of them.

"Well, I bet you that Cloud will be saved when the planet falls apart." Sora said.

"You're on!" The two of them said.

_They're betting on a fight._

_Guess so._

_What is Midgar coming to?_

All of a sudden there was a huge rush of wind as the Highwind came flying in and the group from Junon dropped down below.

"What's going on?" Tifa asked.

"Oh, Cloud's just fighting Sephiroth in a one on one battle. Nothing that big." Barret said to him.

"What?! Cloud started without us?!" Yuffie yelled. "You know how ticked off that makes me?!"

"Very…" Sora said.

"You don't know…" said Yuffie, shaking.

"Well, the betting tables are still open if you want them." Cid said.

"Well of course I'm going to bet!" Yuffie said. "I bet that…Cloud is going to lose a sword."

"You're on!" Up above, the fight was still continuing in a stunning fashion. Cloud and Sephiroth weren't giving up by any means whatsoever.

"You should just give up now Cloud…you can't defeat the dead." Sephiroth said.

"No…but I could certainly try." Cloud said and they continued the fight. Neither of them showed any signs of tiring but especially not Sephiroth whose blade glinted magnificently and whose hair shimmered stunningly-

_Jessica, what have I told you about Sephiroth._

_Sorry…_

Still, it was a fight that was wearing on. Then there was a rumble and the ground began to split. The master looked to all of the good guys assemble on the other side.

"The planet is finished." the master said. The ground began falling out from under them bit by bit.

"We're going to be destroyed!" Donald yelled. Sephiroth glided away from Cloud as Cloud began to fall farther. He was heading into the planet core. He was…he was…

_Get on with it!_

He was going to be destroyed!!! But then a white light shone and all of a sudden something gushed out of the cracks in the ground and began spreading everywhere. The bad guys looked around in fear. This could not be possible. One of the strands of whatever it was caught Cloud as he fell and dragged him back up to the surface as it knitted the planet back together.

"What is it?" Sora asked.

"It's Holy…" Aeris said in astonishment. Very soon the planet had been healed and they stood there, none the worse for the wear. The bad guys were astonished. Cloud got back up.

"You lose." Cloud said. Then Sephiroth, angered as he obviously was leapt at Cloud once more and their swords locked.

"I will not allow it to end this way." Sephiroth said.

"You're going to have to." Then Cloud struck back and the battle began anew.

_But who's going to win?_

_That's for next chapter and a much better narrator than you._

_Go poop on yourself._

_Go stuff your mouth in your face._

_What?_

_Never mind…_

Chapter 18

Sephiroth's Folly

"This fight is never going to end." Sora said, while collecting his money from all of Barret, Cid, and Yuffie. They were all crying their eyes out as they handed it over. Sora handed it to Goofy so that Donald wouldn't get his hands on it.

"It has to end sometime soon." Tifa said. But overhead the fight was still as fierce as could be.

_When is it going to end?_

_You know…why do you interrupt my narration?_

_I don't know…_

_You're just upset that you're not narrating._

_Prove it._

_Why?_

_Because you can't!_

Sephiroth wanted to kill Cloud; he was being driven mad with it. But Cloud was not going to let him take that chance. He was going to stop Sephiroth right here and right now.

"What now master?" Dr. Cid said.

"We wait. We do not yet know the outcome of this fight." the master said.

"Do you believe he'll win?"

"I don't know." On the other side they were now playing cards. Tifa was the only one watching the fight and Donald and Goofy were watching her. Cloud and Sephiroth landed on the ground, staring at each other. They ran at each other and their swords clashed, throwing sparks from each other. It was a very intense battle and no one knew yet how it was going to end. The good guys wanted Cloud to win…the bad guys were worried that Sephiroth wasn't. The master was merely complacent about the whole situation.

The fight on the ground continued for a very long time.

"I tire of this Cloud. Fallen Angel!" Sephiroth yelled and a spell was blasted at Cloud.

_Sin Harvest!_

_Fallen Angel!_

_Sin Harvest!!_

_Fallen Angel!!_

_Sin Harvest!!!_

_Fallen Angel!!! Infinity!!!_

_Dang it!_

Cloud just spun his sword around and it was lit with some kind of energy. He dodged out of the way of the spell and he flew at Sephiroth. He hit Sephiroth once, twice, many more times, on the ground, in the air, everywhere. When Cloud finished Sephiroth had fallen to the ground, panting hard.

"Not-not possible!" Sephiroth said. Cloud put his sword away. "I will not lose." Sephiroth flew at Cloud when all of a sudden a gun shot rang out. The sea of good guys parted and Vincent walked through, clutching in his hand a piece of Materia.

"You had best give it up." Vincent said.

"How did you get out?" Hojo yelled. Vincent turned to him.

"I improvised. You forgot to disarm me." Vincent replied. "You messed up Hojo."

"What? It was all Sephiroth's idea! Not mine!" Hojo yelled.

"While I was in that test tube I had time to think. Why would you be back here? Of course, it was to destroy the world once again."

"I don't understand!" Hojo said.

"Sephiroth made a folly. I had time to think, time to find. You should have killed me then and there. Because now, I have the power to defeat you." Vincent held up the hand with the piece of Materia in it. The Master gasped.

"The legendary Grey Materia." the master said.

"Correct!" Vincent said.

"What does it do?" Sephiroth asked.

"It has the power to banish the dead. And I shall use it."

"No! Master!" He turned to them but at the last moment he saw them disappear in a black portal. "Dr. Cid, help me."

"Sorry. Venat, shall we?" Venat appeared above Dr. Cid and the rest of the bad guys vanished, save for Hojo.

"Venat…exists…" Sephiroth was stunned. Vincent then summoned the power of the Grey Materia and fired upon Sephiroth and Hojo. They reacted too slowly. When the dust settled, the two of them were no longer human.

"Ohh…it's so cute!" Tifa said, looking at the little sheep on the ground.

"That takes care of that." Vincent said.

"We still need-"

_Sheepiroth!_

_Yes, Sephiroth is now a sheep._

"We still need someone to keep tabs on them." Cloud said.

"I know just the man." Vincent said.

A half hour later they were all at the Chocobo Ranch. Both Sheepiroth and Hojocobo were stuck at the ranch for life now, Vincent would make sure enough.

"Thank you Vincent."

"It's the least a vampire could do."

"He's a vampire?!!" Sora yelled and he leapt back.

"And thank you Aeris." Cloud said.

"Don't worry about it." Aeris said. She then turned to Sora. "Thank you for everything." Sora nodded.

"We'll see you around." Zack said. They all nodded and went off their separate ways. Sora stayed there.

"Listen, they've gone somewhere else." Aeris said to Sora. "I'd like you to follow them and stop them."

"Where?" Sora asked.

"A world called…Ivalice." Sora nodded.

"We'll see to it."

"Thank you."

"Good luck." Zack said and they disappeared. Sora, Donald, and Goofy returned to their gummi ship and took off as the sun set over the Chocobo Ranch.

"I can't believe this…" Sheepiroth said.

"This is your fault." Hojocobo replied.

"That's it!" And the two began to fight now that they were doomed to live on a Chocobo Ranch forever.

The Story of a World Called Ivalice

The group of bad guys found themselves staring over the remains of the coliseum at the Ridorana Cataract. The master had just recently joined them.

"It's sad that we've lost him…" Dr. Cid said.

"Sephiroth…became consumed with his anger." the master stated.

"Then it's time for us to take Ivalice."

"Indeed."

"But what do you need me for?" Tromell complained. The master sighed.

"You'll know soon enough." The master stared out. "I have business to attend to. Do not fail me."

"Of course not master." Vayne said.

"Don't lose that hair spray!"

"Yes master." And the master disappeared. Dr. Cid looked at them all.

"Let's take Ivalice back by force." He smiled.

_The finale, yay!!!!_

_Right…_

_Tell it Paul._

_That comes in the next book._

_Oh…_

_And you ruined this._

_Sorry…_

He smiled. The final war for Ivalice was about to begin.

To Be Continued…

in

Final Fantasy XII

Final Fantasy Finale

or

Final Fantasy Fiasco II

or

Final Fantasy Farplane III


End file.
